Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Love vs Trust

Quote No. 1, “If you wish to find your life’s partner, get someone who is completely opposite from who you are.”

Quote No. 2, “Building a successful & strong relationship requires the ability to compliment each other.”

Quote No. 3, “It’s all about sharing and being comfortable with one and another.”

Nowadays, it is so easy to hear and read cases of break-ups. The concept of mutual understanding and beneficial relationship seem to be less significant over the development of society, applicable at various levels. Of course the ideal outcome human interaction would be to have accumulative comfortable relationships, which definition includes matching the set of requirements of both individuals and the general public. Regardless of the background settings, matters arising from relationship issues have in fact influenced the shape of our future generations significantly, and society.

This time, I wish to share a very personal experience which I found to be quite suitable to lead this relationship issue. My concern is to highlight at the lowest level of the society structure, where one-to-one individual interactions are the foundation layer. The three quotes above are those common views that I heard over the years of learning how to build a relationship.

I have always believed that a relationship is built on love and trust. Without these two elements, no relationship can be build at all. When I was young, I was told that love is a feeling that is naturally born inside a person and so as trust. It was fairly easy to believe because I can clearly see how much love and trust through people’s actions and words. Inside my small family circle, everyone took great concern and attention over each other’s needs and demands. If anyone was summoned to do something, without fail that someone will get that something done. Simple gestures like kissing would mean love and words like ‘minta tolong’ (please help) indicate trust between two or more people. Watching the adults interacting with each other, I quickly learned copying them at my level of interaction with people around me. Only after quite some time I began to have questions on people’s reaction over the actions and words made by me because as I grew older, many of the reactions or responses I get did not match with what I saw from watching the adults.

As I ventured out from the family circle, I get to meet new people. Believing that love and trust are naturally born inside, actions and words in interactions were more or less the same. Often, I got negative responses from these new people when I do something or say something. Sometimes it got really nasty where too many questions were the responses I received. I remember being asked by a classmate, “Why teacher wants to see me?” and “How did you know the teacher wants to see me?” when I helped my home-room teacher to pass a message to her. Having to deal with these kind of responses had made me realized that trust is not something natural at all. Similar to love, many people refused to be kissed or hugged. When I asked why? The answer was simple, “You are not my mom or dad, so why should I allow you to hug me?” The response had also made me think that even you are somehow associated with another person; it does not mean that love is there to bind the connection. Over the course of life after I started having those questions, I learned to understand better about love, trust and relationship. One has to learn how to love and trust first before allowing the actions and words to influence the interactions between the two individuals. These interactions are the basis of any kind of relationship.

Since love and trust are knowledge to be learned, how does an individual participate in such learning (or classes)? Obviously no one has been enrolled into formal school where there are syllabus about love & trust. 

Perhaps someone would want to share a thought?

What Say You?


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