Papa has been warded in IJN (National Health Institute) for 8 days now. It was small but good news yesterday, when we were notified that papa has been transferred out from ICU, after 3 days. However, he is still in critical condition and needs to be observed in the HDU, pending further advice from the attending doctor.
Happy but extremely exhausted – that is how I feel right now. Nevertheless, my family, especially mama, needs me more than anything else now; which gives me all the reasons to keep being strong.
Thanks to my love for knowledge and my habit of being observant, though it has been an extremely challenging physical experience, Alhamdulillah (thank god) I had good result (so far) at managing my own expectation on this ‘test’.
It makes big difference when a person is well prepared for emergency situation, such as this. Knowing my dad and everything happening in my close and extended family, could have explained the whole reason for the confirmed heart condition of papa.
Immediately after I found out that papa was required to undergo an emergency Coronary Artery Heart Bypass surgery, I went to the extent of reading all material available regarding to the surgery. Though I was fairly busy with work at the same time, it was not an excuse for being ignorant of what is going to happen in my family.
I noticed that my mom was having such a difficult time to keep on being positive. My dad however remains positive. Before papa went for his surgery, he sent us (my brothers, sisters and I) a very humble and positive text message. I am sure he was also well-prepared for what is going to happen and expect (typical papa).
Managing expectation is all about knowing the right information, having the appropriate skills and being wise when the time requires you to do or/and be. For a very long time, I have learnt to understand the probability of my dad developing certain health condition based on his family history and his eating habit. Knowing the risk is there, when my dad celebrated his 50th birthday, I keep on reminding myself regularly that if anything were to happen, I need to be prepared. So, I started reading, watching and listening to everything that is related to health, from minor fever to critical diseases. This has proven to be the best defense I currently have, to fight all the negative ideas or feelings that trigger whenever I have worry or doubt.
My mom keeps on asking questions and answers them negatively, since she did not have enough information on the procedures as well as other related information on my dad’s heart conditions. Being her daughter for more than 27 years now, I understand why she is acting and feeling this way. It is not the time to teach my mom on how to be positive and how to manage her expectation at this time. I am so thankful that she and my dad have me and 4 more children to keep them strong, cheerful and optimistic of all this experience.
Above all this, I really wish that papa and mama should be a bit independent – both have been extremely close and highly dependent to each other; so when one is missing the other half, trying to be oneself is proven to be difficult.