Decision made - it is my choice

2:07 AM ARGUMENTS, EXPERIENCE 1 Comment

Life is all about choices. 

If you say that in given situation, there is no option to choose - that is almost impossible. Often in life, the choices we make may not necessarily be the best ones. However, since we have made that decisions, whatever the consequences are - we just have to live with it.

It is never easy to free yourself from the perception of the majority. Believe it or not, because of the 'vicious cycle' one are somehow obligated to choose the pathways which are not THE right ways.

The most famous statement that I have heard so far, every time a decision is to be made, is, "I hope you will not regret..."

Well ladies and gentlemen, believe it or not, there is no such word as "regret" in my life. Since life is all about choice, to me - it is either good or not-so-good decision, that I make; in which will determine the next course of life I am taking. Both choices will definitely teach me something. I learn about learning life and its mysterious courses. Albeit my vast exposure, experience, knowledge and skills, most of the time the choices I made can be pretty hard to be comprehended by others.

After almost 3 decades living, I learn to observe and understand my surrounding the best. Technically, I can choose not to live up to people's expectation - if it doesn't suit mine. Odd, but most of the time true, the pressure of living up people's expectation are the biggest culprit for me making the not-so-good choice in life.

This could be an emotional writing. Nevertheless, I hope to share the same sentiment with my fellow readers. To be honest, my blog does not gain so much interest to others. Yet, I am still writing - because I choose to continue writing.

I recently made a decision which had stunned many. I have no clue if this choice is right or wrong. As a matter of fact, deep down inside me - I don't really care much whether the choice made is going to make me happy or not.

I see more truths in this famous quote, "Life is too short," now than ever before.   

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Old friends – timeless and priceless

3:57 AM ARGUMENTS, EXPERIENCE, PEOPLE 1 Comment

How many of you still in touch with your childhood friends? Not expecting all of them, but the ones that you shared everything with; laughter, joys, anger, tears, sadness – and I meant everything.

If you still do – good for you. If you don’t – you probably have lost some part of yourself.

Typically when a person grows up, it seems inevitable for relationship (in this context, friendship) to change. Very true that as we grow older, priorities change, needs change, and of course the ability to keep up with the changes may have direct (or even indirect) impact to one’s life.

I too had a fair share in this story – where friendship had changed, when we were embarking to a journey called adolescence.

Early this month, a friend; whom I first met about 15 years ago, texted me. She was organizing a small eat-out; some sort of gathering, for 5 of us – whom used to be known as a pack in high school.

The last time a gathering was organized, they had to missed me out – I was on evening duty, could not make on time. This time, we missed another – she had to attend to family matters. Out of five, three had gotten married; one is on the way to tie the knot, and me – the single and available girl. Seeing the faces, we all had grown up well.

I found two best friends in recent years – post high school. However, they can never beat these four beautiful ladies. On top of seniority – number of years they and me had befriended, these are the girls who break boundaries when I need an internal boost. Childhood friends are often unique in the sense where everything about that relationship is built on a base of non-biased and utmost trust. The image of a friend will always be the ‘kid’ who offer his/her hand to you. It was never complicated, back then. And it will always be simple – no matter how.

Strange, but true – we are no longer close to each other like we used to be. Personal, career and family commitments change everything. One of them now has 3 children, while others with one daughter or soon to come. I don’t gossip with them anymore, and they don’t chat to me often anymore. Yet, when all of us sit around a table – we are teenagers again – somehow.

I cherish them full hearted. No matter how far I go, how challenging things can go off for me, deep inside me still harbor that genuine thoughts of these wonderful girls. I don’t need to call them up in the middle of the night to calm myself. What needed is a quiet time alone – closing my eyes and remember back the time I used to have with the girls.

Sometimes it is hard to understand what ‘old’ friendship can do to ones life. 

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Greatest Love of All

1:43 AM ARGUMENTS, LIVING LIFE, QUICK NOTES 2 Comments

The greatest love is for the only one - Him. 

Cinta paling agung hanya untuk-Nya, Allah swt. Itu pun, kita manusia berkongsi kasih dan cinta kepada-Nya.
Pun begitu, manusia selalunya tamak - mahukan semua kepada dirinya sahaja. Ungkapan berkongsi, terutamanya kasih sayang atau cinta tidak ada di dalam kamus hidup kita. Semahunya, bila ada insan yang menyayangi dan disayangi, cinta dan sayang insan itu sepertinya hak milik kekal kita. Saya terpanggil untuk berfikir sejenak, jika inilah hakikat kehidupan, maka sayang dan cinta yang paling agung seseorang itu bukan untuk-Nya?

Saya menanti dengan penuh harapan bahawa satu hari nanti Allah akan pertemukan saya dengan jodoh yang telah ditetapkan-Nya. Seperti maut, maka tidak ada satu kepastian yang mampu saya, sebagai hamba-Nya, ramalkan. Adakah aku ditakdirkan untuk terus bersendirian atau adakah Dia menyayangiku dan sudah punya ketetapan jodohku tetapi masih belum tiba masanya untuk aku diketemukan dengan pasanganku? Persoalan yang tidak mampu dijawab oleh sesiapa

Sungguhpun penantian itu adalah satu kewajipanku, namun adalah satu kepastian yang mana tidak memberi sebab untuk saya untuk menanti dengan hanya berdiam diri. Dipinjamkan Dia kepadaku dunia ini, kehidupan ini, nyawa ini, kesenanganku ini, keluargaku ini, rakan-taulanku ini dan segenap manusia di muka bumi ini bukan sekadar untuk pandanganku. Segala yang dipinjamkan-Nya supaya aku dapat memenuhi tuntutan-Nya kepadaku selagi jasad bersatu dengan rohku. 

Sesungguhnya rasa amarah, iri hati dan cemburu itu milik Allah. Kita manusia hanyalah hamba kepada-Nya. Saya hairan kenapa mudah benar manusia menunjuk-nunjuk perasaan amarah, iri hati dan cemburu kepada sesama manusia? 

Saya insan yang punya banyak kekurangan. Amal ibadat masih sangat sedikit. Akur, saya bukanlah insan yang layak untuk mempersoal isi-kehidupan insan lain. Hati saya sangat tersentuh bila mana tiada kemampuan untuk mengelak dari menjadi victim kepada perasaan iri hati, cemburu dan amarah manusia lain. 

Segala yang berlaku pasti ada hikmah disebaliknya. Andai aku perlu menanti sepanjang kehidupanku, dek kerana itulah ketentuan-Nya, aku redha. Cuma, aku tidak mampu untuk berdiam diri dan hanya menanti. Kerana Allah telah berjanji untuk memberi nikmat dan rezeki pada hamba-Nya yang berusaha.

...and He promises to always love and blessed me, without bias. Insya-Allah, akan diketemukan jua aku kepada pasanganku, satu hari nanti.  

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Jealousy - a sinful act

1:54 AM ARGUMENTS, RELATIONSHIP, TIPS No Comments

JEALOUSY - It is becoming an interesting obsession among individuals who happened to be in relationships. 


Personally I believe a spice of jealousy is acceptable in any kind of human relationship. In fact, this sense of wanting to have more or/and to be more of something is supposed to be a natural human attribute. Siblings are well known to feel envious of one and another when parents give different kind of attention to them. Close friends feels threatened when one's best friend suddenly shows extra attention to another friend. A wife usually gives hints to her husband when she senses something amiss with him. Many men or/and women often argue about infidelity, even when there is nothing going on between the partner and the so-called third party.


When two individuals of different gender start to become closer to each other, it is natural for the observing crowd to label them as 'to have something going on'. The statement of 'to have something going on' itself is very subjective. On that premise, one cannot simply assume that the relationship between these 2 individuals are always romantic and exclusive.


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Nowadays, many men and women 'treat' their partners as possessions; something (or someone) that belongs to them. Like a pet, relationship now starts when one had successfully put the partner in an invisible cage. I found it absurd to see friends or siblings or family members quickly being 'disciplined' of the 'reporting regime'. [FYI - reporting regime means having to communicate at a regular intervals of every act; past, present and future, of oneself]


Rule No 1 in a relationship : No one belongs to anyone. 
You cannot own a human being, for any reason. When you start to feel and think that that someone belongs to you, human in nature will begin to treat that someone as an item of possession. 


Rule No 2 in a relationship : Respect individual freedom and rights.
You cannot deny the needs and wants that is part of other individual. Remember when you decide to accept him/her for being who they are? The moment you made him/her yours, tendency of shaping someone else's persona according to your mold escalates significantly. 


Rule No 3 in a relationship : Believe, then trust will come naturally. 
You cannot always be doubtful. Relationship is a journey full of learning and involvement. Your mind and soul requires knowledge and skills to be learnt. The teacher is yourself and your partner. The student is yourself and your partner. Rejecting 'these' knowledge and skills means not believing. Hence, no trust can be built.


Break any rule of the above, then you'll get yourself overwhelmed by jealousy. 


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I am writing this entry out of sympathy to many male friends of mine, whom happened to be the victim of pure jealousy. Over years I learnt that friendship are too precious for me to let go. Sadly, many of my good friends (who happened to be men) had to forego the history and connection me and them built for so many years, just because their girlfriends or/and wives are jealous of our friendship.


None of the many religions accept the act of breaking any kind of human relationship. In fact, in Islam, breaking ties of two human being is considered as a sin. 


My love and care for all who I know is unique to each and every one of them. It is devastating when I had to really let go.


Note: Jealousy and Envious are two different words that carry similar meaning in a different way.

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Ramadan - time to bond with family

12:23 AM ARGUMENTS, LIVING LIFE No Comments

Those who have some kampong roots should be fortunate, especially when you are living in an interesting full-of-colour country like Malaysia. 


Time flies so fast. Tomorrow, it will be the 13th day of fasting. I think, without realizing, in just a blink of eyes - everyone will be excited to celebrate Hari Raya.


It is a family tradition of us, to observe Ramadan closely with one another, inclusive to our extending family members. I can remember clearly how exciting for us when fasting month arrived each year. Despite having to 'suffer' during the day, it was the support received from each family member that helped us to go through the experience in a unique manner.


My mom encouraged all of us to start helping her in the kitchen, making cookies and cakes for Hari Raya. I remember back then, because we could not afford a good food mixer, the initial mixing of butter and sugar was always done by my dad. He had the strength to do all the tough beating (He was an engineer, by profession). My 4 siblings and I learnt all the family recipes during Ramadan - from cookies to the complicated local dishes. By teen years - my mom had literally retired from kitchen. 


My parents started to bring us for Hari Raya shopping only when we reached the age of 10 or 11 years old. Prior to that, we were all purely styled by them. I remember my mom and dad would have a pen and measurement tape, made us queue on one weekend. The most exciting fitting session would be when we had to put our feet on a piece of paper. Then my dad would draw our little feet on that paper. We were all spared from the sun and crowd. Before we head for balik kampung all of us would have our new clothes and shoes in our own bags. 


I supposed the most exciting part of Ramadan and Syawal would be the journey back to kampung. There was no highway - so the total journey from Kuala Lumpur back would be no less than 9 hours drive. We were all groomed to be very talkative and active children. The 9 hour journey must have been a torture for both my parents. Every year, my dad would repeat the same game while on our way back to kampung - the silence game. Who ever can keep quite for the longest would win. The grand prize was a handsome cash reward waiting in the duit raya packet. Come to think of it now, I think none of us could last more than 15 minutes. It was always a chaos in the car. We still drive back to kampung nowadays - but in separate cars. Obviously all 7 of us cannot fit the family car we have now. 


Last year, my parents were away in Nigeria. I tried to keep the spirit among my siblings during fasting month and when we were heading back to my parents' hometown for Hari Raya. It was not the same, but thanks to telecommunication technology - we could immediately connect with them via phone or internet. Every day during the fasting month, we would ring our parents just to say hello. Even while driving the balik kampung journey - we kept the line open. Although physically my parents were not with us - we certainly enjoyed having their virtual presence with us.


PS. Ramadan is the time for family to be closer to each other. It is the time to learn about one another, and by the time Syawal is here, everyone should feel happy and blessed just because 'we are family'.

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