Sunday, January 10, 2010

Offers & Criteria of Selection

Not sure if I ever mentioned before - that I planned to get married when I reach 25. Did the plan materialised? The answer is NO. It's been more than years since I passed the 25 mark.

In the effort of finding the right person, it was well understood that the search was (and still) going to be the most challenging rask for me (at least that is what I think). I found it extremely amusing and funny, based on the fact that when I was younger (I'm referring to my school and early uni life here...) there was not even a second I was out of love. Ask my childhood friends, they'll give an immediate answer to it. Having said so, I was not the type who keeps on changing guys every know and then, though. I am proud to admit that once I am in a relationship, it will takes forever for me to let it go.

Since I last left my serious relationship, (hmmm...let me think when was it exactly..?) sometime about five years ago, I have only gone out with one guy. Interestingly enough, I am still going out with him, but obviously the relationship (more or less) is pretty much casual than what I am hoping it to be.

Some have made an interesting remark to me about the criteria or standard that I may have set for the "candidancy". There was never a detailed answer to that kind of remarks made to me. In fact, my reaction to those matter have always been pretty much neutral - "No lah..I don't think my standard is that difficult. I'm just looking for a simple person who can understand and accept me, for who I am."

My daddy said something very interesting the other day about the diffirences between man and woman, when it comes to choosing the person for marriage (at least it was the context of the conversation):

When a man decides to accept the woman into his life, the only hope of the woman would be forever the same, no change (please);
When a woman decides to accept the man into her life, there would still be hope for the man to change (humans are not perfect, right?)

I am not sure if these are true or not. Nonetheless, these comments about man versus woman are certainly worth exploring. Personally, there are some truth over the two conflicting statements. If not, there would not be stories from woman resulting from their failure of "changing" guys, or from man complaining about why woman changes so much.**wink**  

Being in control over my actions, I used to believe that a relationship is built on love and efforts of both individuals. If there is a need to make changes, then one needs to work on it. This includes changing myself or my partner. HOWEVER, I know, now, that in searching for the right person, I do not need to make any change to myself or the other person. In order for a relationship to work the best, both individuals love and accept each other for being who they are - no more, no less.

So here is my proposition : 

  • An individualistic and outspoken person;
  • Yet, closely attached to family & friends.
  • A highly ambitious and a very practical person;
  • Yet, willing to be flexibile with reasonable conditions.
  • Generous with love and passion;
  • Yet, selfish with personal like and attention.
  • A well earned attractive image;
  • Freedom and Faith are highly regarded, so same treatment are given to others.
And here is what I am looking for :

  • Love himself more than anything else;
  • Respect people for the very right reasons;
  • Expressive of his passion and ambitions;
  • Passionate about knowledge and sharing them with others;
  • Physically attractive and charming;
  • A good listener and active communicator;
  • Acknowledges Freedom and Faith as principles of his life.
It's not easy to summarize the above with the actual attributes and details. Anybody wish to participate..?



What Say You?

1 comments:

keep the faith

to love oneself ,i think the better word high self esteem, a person who loves oneself(vain) does not love others, the only person he is interested is himself .The man with confidence is a man who is confident in his self worth that he does not depend on others for values.

Respect is a thing that is earned not freely given. It is a two way street. you must give respect to earn it.

A man passionate about knowledge can be sometimes lost in their on thoughts that is why they are hard to know. They usually have no social life as they are searching for they main passion knowledge not people. In Malaysia these type of people are quite rare because they are more passionate about money. :) This endangered species can be found at university or in the I.T field. Usually they are called geeks.

Please define attractiveness some women like bald men :). I think the only person that he should be charming is to you, or there may be some jealousy issues in the future. :)

You cannot listen when you are talking . it should read , a man is interested in what i say , and do it :), if not please tell me why.

Freedom and Faith ,two contentious issues that define a young adult life and also the main factor causing conflicts between two individuals , the need to be free limited by values and faith. should the partner have different values ? what is the right balance that must be found ? there is a need for both partners to acknowledge their own faith and freedom requirement.

I have found in my readings while before marriage , usually two people wear a mask , of characteristics , usually it is what the other think their partner wants. over time it is this mask become damaged because the internal conflict with your own true personality,when your true self show, that is when the conflict start. the key here is to be yourself ,by being yourself you will attract the person you should be with. To meet your prince charming , sometimes you need to kiss a frog.:)

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