Since the last two entries done in Malay language, I'm writing back in English. I was asked before for the reason of writing my blog in English since my initial target readers were local. My answer is simple - I want to improve my own English and at the same time share some experience with reader in English (at least all of you can learn how to understand and use English better).
Anyway, this time I wish to share about my weird obsession of keeping myself occupied with works. In other words, I like to keep myself busy with things. Ever heard the phrase, Work hard and Play hard? Somehow, I envy people who can manage their time by working hard and at the same time able to spend personal time for their own leisure.
Those who used to know me from college would know me by this trait and often commented, "this girl don't know when to stop working." =D
Besides wanting to be a housewife (not sure when will that dream comes true..!!!), my growing up was very much influenced by the idea of becoming a superwoman. Not the one with 'red underwear' worn outside, but the type that can do everything. That summarizes very well of my another obsession with knowledge. Since I wanted to be multi-talented and knowledgeable, my quest for learning new things never stop.
When I was dating my first boyfriend, too often I was victimized - mentally, with his cynical comments, "Because you are smart, so people dislike you," which kind off offended me very much. At that point of time, my EGO was bigger than the size of earth (think of it now) because I can never let myself loose to anybody, especially MEN.
Though I have toned down very much nowadays (being older does bestowed people with more wisdom), the reasons for wanting to be skillful and knowledgeable remain the same. A few worth to be shared are:
- To always keep myself prepared. The world we are living now are rapidly changing. There is actually almost no room for any individual to feel comfortable and contented with things we have or/and own.
- To ensure that I can always move forward. Life is series of journey where we are forced to stop at many junctions, where choices must be made, no matter what is the situation. One cannot afford to stop, because if you do then there is no more reason to have a meaningful life.
- Value of independent bestowed to me, as a woman. Culture change influences an increased acceptance of woman actively participating at making critical contributions and decision. This, however, comes at a very high price - woman needs to prove its own merit, so acceptance is purely due to performance, not merely sympathy.
- To avoid being 'stuck' at one place. As geography boundaries now are very much open (not only virtual), I consider myself no longer exclusive to one particular location. There is need for travel and know people from other places, than those surrounding me at present.
- Infused and passed into my genes, or/and to be an exemplary to my children. Personality attributes are built-in our individual genes, that has been proven scientifically. Whether the attributes could be switched-on or turned-off genetically may be highly dependent to the one passing down the genes. In other words, I can shaped my future offspring's genes by starting to do something to my own. Additionally to this, I would like to earn respect from my children for being who I am, not by forcing them. I know for sure that they will face far more great challenges, compared to the ones I am facing now. Hence, the need to groom them with all that they need.
Keeping myself reminded of the reasons for being passionate about knowledge (and of course wanting to be superwoman) helps me to stay on track. Otherwise, I may have gone 'loco' long time ago. It is not easy to always seen as a serious person. People shy away from you, which makes my journey very lonely most of the times.