How can a person forgot HOW to be in love?
It is a scary thought for me if one fine day, I am 'forced' to a commitment. For those who have been reading my writings, I am sure this statement is contradicting from what I have been wanting (e.g. Offers & Criteria of Selection) all this time, eh..? Well, to me, it is somewhere opposite but surely not contradicting at all - to love someone and to be in a commitment (aka relationship) are two different things, at least that is what I think.
I supposed being in a relationship, or admitting yourself into a commitment requires so much energy and effort, versus just being love. All these while I thought the absence of an 'official' relationship in my life has made my life become so dull and insignificant, so the search has somehow begun for me to seriously looking for someone; who is willing to love me and acknowledge me to become his GF.
After giving another round of thinking, now I am a little bit confused over my own desire of wanting to be in a relationship. At this moment, although there is no string attached, I am in love with someone. To spice up a bit my life, at the same time, it is also confirmed that I also have a crush over someone else. It seems effortless for me having feelings over two different men. (Guys, you get what I mean, right?)
Whether I would want to pursue the feelings that are currently blossoming in my heart (and mind) or not, it's my own personal choice. None of the two men would know, or need to react to my needs or wants. That simple. In general, the 'flowery' feelings currently reside in my heart is making me happy. It's kinda weird to being such a selfish person in this kind of things, but this feelings belong to me - I have full rights over them. This, at the moment is sufficient for me to keep on moving.
Nonetheless, the reason for having fear over a commitment or a relationship is due to the fact that since I have completely changed, a few years ago...if I were to commit - this would be the first time for me to ever admit myself to be someone's 'something' (I don't even know what is the right term. GF is a very light-weighted term). I guess it is the expectation of both sides, that worries me the most.
What ever the situation is, it is kinda true that I've forgotten how it is to be in LOVE (aka to love and be loved by someone).
As much as I like being single at this moment, I know that I am missing my partner =(